第一次和准公婆准岳父母见面

Are you meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents for the first time? Some parents are friendly, welcoming people who will try to make a good impression on you. But other parents won’t make it that easy. And while you don’t want to feel like you have to be someone entirely different around such parents, it doesn’t hurt to be selective about how you present yourself the first time you meet them.

你是第一次和男(女)朋友的父母见面么?有些父母非常友好,对想要给他们留下好印象的你非常欢迎。但有些父母就没那么容易相处了。如果你不想就此下结论觉得和他们不是一个世界的人,那最明智的方法就是好好选择你和他们首次见面的方式。

Steps

方法

1.Get a crash course on the parents’ flavor of etiquette. Will the parents expect a handshake, a hug, or a bow? Will they want to be called Mr./Mrs., sir/ma’am, by their first name, or Mom/Dad? Will you be expected to take off your shoes in the house? Should you takeoff your jacket, or wait for them to offer to take it from you? Where do the parents usually sit, so you can make sure to avoid those seats? Your boyfriend or girlfriend might find these questions odd or annoying because they already know this stuff without having to think of it consciously, but you’ll save a lot of awkwardness by finding out in advance.

1.了解父母的礼仪行为。
父母倾向的是握手、拥抱亦或仅仅点头?他们是愿被称为先生/女士、他们的名字,还是妈妈/爸爸?是否喜欢你在家里脱掉鞋子?你是否可以脱掉自己的外衣或者等待他们从你的身上拿走?对方父母通常坐在哪里以便你不至于占用他们的座位?你的男朋友或女朋友可能会认为这些问题多少有点奇怪且烦人,他们不用想也知道,但提前清楚这些细节将会避免很多麻烦。

2.Request that your boyfriend or girlfriend try to be especially agreeable just this once. If he or she argues a lot with the parents, this can be very uncomfortable for you, especially if you’re asked to choose sides. It’s a battle you can’t win. So ask your significant other to try and avoid any arguments or debates. If they bubble up anyway, be ready to change the subject.

2.请求你的男(女)朋友尝试表现出赞同,哪怕就这一次

如果他(她)和父母发生分歧,你的处境会很尴尬,尤其是对方还要你选择站在哪一边。这场战争你赢不了。所以让你另一半试图避免任何争论。如果发现不对就改变话题。

3.Dress with the following in mind: What you want is for the parents to realize how awesome you are, and the last thing you want is for your clothing to distract from that. You have to understand that when you’re viewed from the perspective of an older generation, your clothes stand out much more than they do your peers, and it can be difficult to pay attention to what someone is saying when you’re surprised or shocked by what they’re wearing. So generally, the plainer, the better!

3.穿衣事项:

你所要做的是让你和自己的衣着分开,让对方父母注意到你是个怎样的人。你必须明白,从老一代的角度看,你衣服的出众度远远超过他们那个年代。当有人被你的衣着所吸引,他就很难注意到你在说什么。所以一般来说,素净的比较好!

a)If the parents are conservative, strict, or religious, dress like you’re going to church. Keep it simple and clean. Leave the death metal t-shirt or the miniskirt in the closet.

b)If the parents are hippies, dress as casually as you’re comfortable (but not too comfortable–sweatpants and pajamas are generally not a good idea, no matter how laid back the parents).

c)If the parents are wealthy, find or purchase quality clothing that you’d wear if you were going to work in a professional environment.

A.如果父母是保守的,严格的,或有宗教信仰的,那就穿得你像是要去教堂。简单、干净,让那些死亡金属T恤或超短裙待在衣柜里吧。
B.如果父母是嬉皮士,那就如自己喜欢的那样(但也不要太随意——无论父母多消闲,运动裤和睡衣通常都不是一个好主意)。
C.如果父母很富有,选择质地好、在专业工作环境中穿着的高档服装。

4.Emphasize aspects of yourself that are the opposite of what the parents disliked about your partner’s ex(es). Before you meet the parents, ask your boyfriend/girlfriend: “Did your parents like your ex? Why or why not?” If they liked or disliked anything about former boyfriends/girlfriends, dig for character traits, not unchangeable things like race or status. For example, if the parents didn’t like that the ex had no direction in life, talk about your goals and plans. If they didn’t like the ex because (they thought)she was a snob, be humble. If they didn’t like the ex because he was too controlling, find a way to show that you respect your partner’s individuality.

4.父母对你伴侣的前任男(女)朋友反感什么,就强调自己正在此相反。

在见家长前,问问你的男(女)朋友:“你父母喜欢你前任么,为什么?”对于他们喜欢或不喜欢的,都深度挖掘其性格特征,没有什么是一层不变的,哪怕是种族或地位。例如,如果父母不喜欢前任在生活上没有方向,你就说说自己的目标和计划。如果他们觉得她势利眼,你就要表现得谦虚。如果他们认为他太强势,你就需要找到个方式来表明你对他们的尊重。

5.Find common ground. This is where some preliminary research will come in handy.Are the parents into sports? If you follow the same sport, this can be a good conversation topic. But if you’re fiercely dedicated to their favorite team’s rival, you might want to avoid this subject for now Geographical origins. Are you, or anyone in your family, from an area of the country or the world that the parents are from? Or have you visited the area? Example: “Sarah tells me you lived in Germany for a year when you were in the military. I studied abroad in Germany for a summer. Did you enjoy your time there?”Some other interests that often cross generations: classical music, jazz, wine, beer, cars, crafts, pets, gardening, literature.

5.找到共同点。这些初步的了解将能派上用场。
a)父母对运动感兴趣么?如果你们有相同的运动爱好,这将是个很好的话题。但是,如果你热衷于他们他们支持球队的对手,你应避开这一点。
b)地域渊源。你、或你的家人,是否和对方父母来自同一个地区?或者你曾经足迹过那个区域?例如:“萨拉告诉我你从军时曾在德国生活过一年。我在德国也有过一个夏天的留学经历。你享受那段经历么?”
c)一些有年头的兴趣:古典音乐,爵士乐,葡萄酒,啤酒,汽车,工艺品,宠物,园艺,文学。

6.Be genuinely appreciative. If you’re in the parents’ home, look around for something you sincerely like, such as artwork, or an area of the house (e.g. “I love the greenhouse you have attached to your house! It feels like a tropical jungle in there.”). If you’re eating together, comment on what you like most about the food. Upon departing, thank them for having you over, making dinner, etc.

6.真心欣赏。

去到家里,找你真心喜爱的东西,如艺术品,或房子的某个部分(如:“我喜欢这间房子的温暖!我喜欢这热带丛林的感觉。”)。如果你们一起用餐,评论下你最喜欢的食物。离开的时候,感谢对方的热情款待。

7.Read body language.If you pay attention, you’ll be able to pick up on what the parents like or dislike about you, and adjust accordingly. Some parents might like that you’re holding your boyfriend or girlfriend’s hand, others might feel uncomfortable with it. Some parents will be horrified if the soles of your shoes come anywhere near their coffee table; others will think you’re too stiff if you keep your feet planted firmly on the floor the whole time. You can follow your boyfriend or girlfriend’ sex ample to a degree, but remember that the parents are scrutinizing you, not them, so you can’t get away with everything they can.

7. 阅读身体语言。

留心喜欢什么或不喜欢什么,做出相应调整。一些家长可能会喜欢你握着你的男(女)朋友的手,但有些可能会觉得不舒服。对于在茶几附近看见你的鞋底,有些家长会感到恐惧;如果你的脚长时间固定在一个地方,他们会觉得你太呆板。对伴侣的两性接触有所回应,但要掌握好其中的度量,你需记住,父母正在审阅你,你不能逃脱掉他们的一丝猎眼。

Tips

If shaking hands, see How to Have a Persuasive Handshake.

If you go out to dinner, it’s generally nice to offer to pay for your own meal, or for that of you and your partner. Insisting, however, might be seen as rude. If they decline your offer, you can offer to pay the tip (and to be safe, make the tip generous).

温馨小贴士
如果握手,请参阅如何能有一个有说服力的握手。
如果出去吃晚饭,礼貌的方式是支付自己的费用或连同你的同伴一起支付。但是,坚持一定要支付对方的费用会被看作是不礼貌的。如果他们拒绝你的好意,你可以支付其小费(为保险起见,小费应当慷慨点)。

Warnings

Making eye contact is generally a good idea, unless the parents are from a culture in which some forms of eye contact are considered rude or disrespectful.

If you’re a strict vegetarian or vegan and the parents are hosting dinner, make sure your boyfriend or girlfriend tells them beforehand. If this might be something they’ll see as an inconvenience(or perhaps dislike) suggest going to a restaurant where you know there are a few dishes you can order without your lifestyle choice becoming a topic of conversation.

警告
除非家长来自一个眼神接触被视为粗鲁或无礼的文化环境,目光接触通常是一个很好的方式。
如果你是一个严格的素食者,当家长要准备晚餐时,确保你的男(女)朋友已事先告诉他们。如果这会让他们感到不便(或者不喜欢),建议去一个你有菜可点的餐厅,避免让你的生活方式成为不好的说辞。

 

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