英语要过九级才能看懂的笑话

10 – A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road.

10. 一个男的胳膊下夹着一块沥青碎石走进酒吧说:来一品脱,再来一品脱。【one for the road除了可以指给沥青碎石外,也有再来一份带上路的意思】

9 – I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

9. 我弄了个威士忌节食疗法,害得我已经睡了三天了。【喝多了】

8 – Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome”. “Is it common?”I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.

8.

病人:医生,我总是不停的唱“家乡绿绿的草”

医生:听起来像Tom Jone综合症。

病人:哦,那就是很常见咯。

医生:一点也不特别【也是tom jone的一首歌】

7 – Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.

7.  两个杂耍飞人在屋顶上相识,他们堕入爱河并结婚了。婚礼很糟糕,但派对搞得很好。【aerial有杂耍飞人的意思,也有电视天线的意思,reception有婚礼之后的派对的意思,也有电视接收信号的意思】

6 – Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

6. 警察昨天抓住了两个小孩,一个正在饮蓄电池中的酸液,另一个在吃烟火。其中一个被起诉了,另一个被放了。【charge也有充电的意思,let off也有放『烟花』的意思】

5 – I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays”.

5. 我问健身馆教练:你能教我劈腿吗?他问:你身体有多柔韧?我回答:我周二来不了。【flexible除了柔韧的意思外,也有灵活安排时间的意思】

4 – A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, “Shut up…you’re next!”.

4. 一个年轻的金发女郎整天心神不宁,因为她很害怕丈夫有外遇,所以她去枪械店买了一把手枪。第二天她来到家,发现丈夫和一个红发美女躺在床上。她拿过枪,对准自己的脑袋。她丈夫从床上跳起来,求她不要自杀。她突然歇斯底里的朝她丈夫吼:“闭嘴,下一个就轮到你了”

3 – Dyslexic man walks into a bra…

3. 一个结巴男进入酒吧【注定要是悲剧,bar-bra】

2 – I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.

2. 我有一天去动物园,那里竟然只有一条狗,真是狗屎动物园。【shitzu = shit zoo】

1 – A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

1. 在一个妇女带着她的小孩上了公交车,公交司机说:哈,我从来没见过比这个还丑的小孩。这个妇女来到车厢尾部坐下来,愤愤不平。她跟邻座的男人抱怨:这个司机刚才侮辱我。那个男的说:你过去骂他,大胆的去,我会在这里帮你照看猴子。

 

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